Your Girl Is Overwhelmed

What a blessing to be drowning in the work you once prayed for…or whatever they say.

I am not someone who values being busy. Our world encourages us to view packed calendars as badges of honor that tell everyone how important and very in demand we are, but I reject this notion. For me, rest is a core value. I see time spent being present and moving at one’s own pace as the greatest luxury.

But here I am, busier than I have been in years…little rest in sight. I am drinking from a firehose of theological writings, African American fiction, personal existential reflection, family demands, domestic duties, and pitiful attempts at a social life—a firehose I prayed for and am literally paying to drink from, but my jaw aches all the same. I am apologizing to friends for missed texts and declined party invitations, and trying to figure out how to make sure my weary explanations don’t make it sound as if I think my busy-ness is anything worth bragging about.

I say all this to say, I’m sorry for being less consistent here these last few weeks. I am recalibrating to this faster pace of life and all that this program demands. I’m confident that this firehose will translate to some powerful work that I am excited to share with you all here very soon.

In the meantime, I wanted to share a journal entry from this week. A quick reframe after a shitty little 11/11.

11/12/2025:

11/11 did not feel like a good day.

It felt like a day where a lot went wrong. An alarm I forgot to set. A pilates class, missed. A perfect coffee, spilled. A tear-filled, two-hour battle to print a single page. Little things. Inconvenient things. But it was cold, and I was tightly wound with the mounting pressure of a long to-do list, and even the little things felt big.

Other than writing 11/11 a few times, I didn’t really think about it being a magical day, but this morning, I went to turn on some background music for journaling, and saw an “11:11 Gateway Portal Subliminal” that started with these words:

“Today isn’t about trying. It’s about stepping into the script that already played out perfectly…assume it’s done.”

With that, I started to reflect on what actually happened yesterday. Did I, without noticing, and without real effort on my part, step into a new reality? What shifted?An MBTA bus driver PULLED OVER her not-in-service city bus to compliment the mink coat I borrowed from my grandma. The driver and I shared a laugh before she drove off and I called my grandma to tell her the story and laugh again.I had an awesome conversation with one of my favorite professors this semester. He really affirmed and helped me clarify my thesis for my final paper draft - my first academic writing of substantive length or passion since 2014.It felt like everyone in my writing workshop referenced my feedback positively. I’ve been insecure about my contributions critiquing other writers, but “like Kayci said,” was repeated more times than I could count in our 2.5 hour workshop, so maybe I shouldn’t be.

Today I will strive to be productive in the ways I was not yesterday, while trusting that I can win big even on the days when I don’t actively do the winning. Maybe people are seeing me shine a little brighter. Maybe I am building meaningful, lasting mentorship connections and starting to write about the things I will write about for years. Maybe speculative narrative writing, editing, coaching, or publishing are places where I’ll find I truly shine.

Maybe it’s all coming together, even on the bad days.

xoxo

Kayci