Tell Your Friends You Love Them
When I think about my friends who treat love like a rarity, I know it is because, like me, they see love as sacred... but why does the sacred have to be scarce?
My family says I love you a lot. We love each other fiercely, and where other families show love in all kinds of ways, we're the kind of people who just say it. Every phone call, every card, every goodbye. I love you, I love you, I love you.
When my now brother-in-law first started spending the holidays with us, we'd all chuckle at the panic in his eyes when he and my sister would leave, and my mom would tell them each, individually, that she loved them. He didn't know how to receive it, didn't know how to respond, but a response was never necessary – she just wanted him to know.
If you weren't raised in an I-love-you house, being friends with me might bring that same panic to your eyes. If I love you, I'm going to tell you, because if I love you, I want you to know.
I used to feel so embarrassed if I told a friend I loved them and they didn't say it back. It felt so vulnerable, and I would get swept up in a spiral of insecure thoughts. Did I overestimate how close we are? Did I make them uncomfortable? Do they not love me back?
In the last year, two moments like this really stood out to me. Each a quick goodbye with a friend of over a decade - friends I have traveled the world with and who I deeply adore. In both moments, I called out the truth as I walked away – "love you!" – and heard no reply. In both moments, a flash of embarrassment brought color to my cheeks before I found peace in the truth that had already left my lips. I do love them. And I’m happy to have told them.
When I think about my friends who treat love like a rarity, I know it is because, like me, they see love as sacred. In fact, it's because it is the most sacred of all things that they set love apart, reserving the word to protect its potency. But why does the sacred have to be scarce?
You can't convince me that love is anything but infinite. I see it everywhere. I feel it every day. To me, love is sacred because it is all around us. It isn’t something you can run out of. The more you look, the more you find.
So I hope you tell your friends you love them. Tell them freely and tell them often. Tell them today and, if you get the chance, tell them again tomorrow. I hope you believe them when they tell you they love you, too. I hope you stop believing that love has to be scarce to be sacred.
And if you're in my life, I hope you know that I love you.
I love you because I love you, whether or not you love me back. I love you because you’re impossible not to love. I love you because we have laughed together and cried together, and grown together. I love you because I recognize what you’ve survived and celebrate the worlds you've built for yourself. I love you because your eyes still shine despite it all. I love you because I admire you. I love you because no one laughs the way you laugh. I love you because you have witnessed parts of me that no one else has witnessed. I love you because you’ve introduced me to parts of myself I would never have known without you. I love you because the world is better with you in it. I love you because I feel the love you have for me, whether you name it or not.
